gift giving

Have you ever asked yourself, "Will buying expensive Christmas gifts really bring the recipient happiness?" Well, yes of course. But the gleam of it's shiny wrapping paper and the joyous nurture of our desires is only temporary. So I propose an even better gift for our loved ones this year. A true gift of happiness, one that is sustaining and ever alive. Let's keep them in our conscious thoughts, our prayers, and our memories. It truly is the gift of greatest benefaction. It is lasting and priceless and it is the only gift they can pass on tenfold.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now that, Mastercard, is priceless.

Note to self

Words are an extremely powerful manifestation of our thoughts. When they are used by way of speaking, writing or even in silent contemplation - do not create an enemy. Those who think differently, those who do not see the way you do, even they must be included. No one should be left out. Do not feed the divide that stems from judgement, starve it.
Mindless wisdom has no discriminations.

Meditate

"We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us to see their own images and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even a fiercer life because of our silence."

--William Butler Yeats

Beautiful Moments

After she got dressed, she twirled a ballerina twirl and asked "how do I look mommy?"

I paused for a moment (choosing my words very carefully) then I said to her,

"Wow Kaylee, you make that dress look so pretty!"

I spoke those words to my daughter so that her ears would hear and her soul would understand.

Beauty is a virtue found within. The threads we wear are only an expression of what lies inside. Our clothes, our jewelry, our hair, our skin, our bodies -- they are only manifestations of what is going on inside.

They are mere manifestations so minute in comparison to its origin. Love yourself Kaylee, because it is the purest form of pretty.

Wasteful Worries

If you follow the news then surely you have heard about the boy in Tracy, California who was tortured by 3 adults for the past year. He ran away from his foster home in Sacramento last year hoping to reunite with his family. Somehow though, he got connected with a lady and a couple renting a home in Tracy, who would forever change his life for the worse.

On Monday afternoon he was able to cut through the chain wrapped around his swollen ankle and ran through a parking lot and into the fitness gym that bordered his backyard fence. He was covered in soot, feces and urine. Wearing only flesh colored boxers 4 sizes too big, he curled in a fetal position and repeatedly begged "don't let them find me, don't let them find me". His arms wore cigarette burns, he had dried blood from cuts all over his body, his head was shaved in some spots - a reminder of the cruelty and shame he endured for so long. What hair he did have left was crusted with dried white pudding. This poor young boy was force fed house flies because he spoke when he wasn't supposed to. He was starving and afraid beyond any description.

Every time I hear his story I feel sick to my stomach. Literally. How could something so wrong happen in my own backyard? In Tracy, really? How could something so wrong happen anywhere? What a brave young boy, to take what little will he had left in his emaciated body to stand up for himself and fight back. I admire his courage to save himself. I admire his determination to find his family. I wish him all the love in the world to help him through this unfathomable experience. I hope he is able to find what little courage he has left in his heart to nourish it. I hope he is surrounded by people who will help it grow so that he can pick up the pieces and attempt to find happiness within. When someone is exposed to so much that is bad, it is all we can hope for.

I write about this today because this story was a slap in the face. A hard one. The next time you find yourself worrying about what presents you will buy for Christmas, or even how you will buy presents for Christmas, or if you'll be able to make next months rent, if you worry about completing a project at work, or all the traffic you had to sit in to get there, or how much weight you gained over Thanksgiving weekend, or whether or not Brad and Angelina will make it --remember there are people out there who have real stuff to worry about. Like this boy who day in and day out worried about things like, What form of torture will I receive next?, Will I get water or food today?, Will I ever find my family? Will I survive?

This poor boys experience serves as a reminder to all of us that we shouldn't waste our worries on things that don't really matter.

Beautifully written...

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by Thee into ever widening thought and action;
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake!"

by Rabindranath Tagore

Truly Thankful

Gobble Gobble. Thanksgiving day is right around the corner and what better time to prepare than right now. At that thought most of us conjure up images of checking off grocery lists and scavenging for fail proof recipes. But the preparation I'm encouraging is more along the lines of emotional substance.

Last week, when my 3 year old asked me why we have Thanksgiving, I replied "So we can spend time with our family and friends and eat yummy food." I was a little taken back when my 5 year old corrected me. "No mommy, it's because the Pilgrims and the Indians were thankful for their food so they had a big dinner together." Thanks son, history never was my strong suit.

That humbling conversation got me thinking. Why do we have Thanksgiving? For some it is about spending quality time with our loved ones and an excuse to gorge on turkey and pumpkin pie. For others it's about the history and how one moment can turn into life-long traditions. But let's not forget what it should be about too - Being Thankful.

I find it discouraging that for some, especially dinner hosts, Thanksgiving is about slicing and dicing, table placements and last minute carpet cleaning. Too many times I find that preparing for a huge feast and accommodating guests leaves you without ample time to really consider what it is you are truly thankful for. Besides the obvious gratitude that comes with having a family, children and a good job, what is it specifically that you are thankful for? Perhaps it is the sound of your child's laughter, a warm embrace with your spouse, or personal fulfillment from career growth? Whatever it is, I think we owe it to ourselves to pick apart the good in our lives especially when it seems like so much else is bad.

When you are seated at the dinner table and it is your turn to give your "I am thankful for...." testimony you will see that speaking words of gratitude are much different than feeling them. So let's take the time, now, to reflect on what brings us joy in our lives and resonate in the things we are thankful that we don't have to live without.

And what better opportunity to teach our children genuine gratitude. This year I will sit down both of my children and encourage them to start thinking about what they will say when it is their turn to speak at the table. My only guidelines for them are to be specific and try to pick something that you cannot buy. I look forward to their reveal tomorrow because as a dedicated mother, I hope they are thankful for more than scooters and video games.

What we teach our kids now, they will carry for the rest of their lives. We can show them that regardless of how hectic our lives are or how bad things may seem there is always a time for reflecting on happiness.

For what it's worth, I am thankful for my unconditionally supportive family who continues to stand by my side as I plot along on my journey toward self-discovery. I am also eternally grateful for divine guidance in its many forms.

Many blessings and best wishes to you and your families!

Family Matters - Commuting Woes

For most of us living in Tracy, commuting is a way of life. Sad as it may be, spending 4 hours a day driving to and from work is our norm. While I could easily turn this piece into a political rant, I will restrain myself. Politics aside, this is about families in Tracy who attempt to work though the hardships that come with traveling over the hill to make ends meet. Specifically, the toll it takes on a relationship when one commutes and the other stays home to take care of the kids.

I have heard too many times from friends and family in this position complain about their partner who doesn't understand how hard it is to put in a long days work and then finish it off with several hours of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. I hear from the parents who stay home (myself included) complain about how their partner doesn't see all of the responsibilities that come with taking care of kids and managing a household. We often find ourselves arguing over who has the shorter end of the stick. With that said, I think it is high time we clear the air and find a middle ground on this issue.

I suppose I should begin by explaining to the working commuters that my opinion is not as biased as you may think. I am a stay at home mother of two young children ages 3 and 5. I am the wife of a wonderful husband who selflessly drives to the bay area everyday allowing me to claim such a monumental title. I know how hard he has it because I also used to dread the very same commute. For eight long years I worked in the corporate world and for what seemed like an even longer 6 months I did the brake pedal tap dance and downed my fair share of caffeine cocktails. I understand what it feels like to watch for brake lights with 2 ton eyelids. I know what it feels like to realize that the closest I'm going to get to a passenger is talk radio. I get it.

Day after day I am riddled with guilt when the alarm clock sounds at 4 a.m. because I still have 2 more hours of sleep while he has to stumble in the dark toward the shower. Every evening I watch my husband pull into the driveway resembling a lifeless zombie with his shoulders hunched over and his eyes in a daze. No doubt he is drained, no time for a pity party though, here come the kids tugging at his shirt begging him to shoot the puck and get pushed on the swing outside. (I have yet to figure out why they prefer him for these activities. I don't think my slap-shot is half bad). What they don't understand is that he is well past drained. It takes all he has left just to change into comfortable clothes and make his way back downstairs. They don't know any better, and they shouldn't have to. (Oh how the propaganda calls to me…grumble.)

On the other hand, what he and many other commuting parents sometimes fail to see is how much work really goes into taking care of kids and the upkeep of a home. Believe me, it's not all soap operas and bon-bons. Actually, it's none of that. A few weeks ago I received yet another spam email from a friend. You know, the one who floods your inbox with nonsense chain letters and pretend abductions…we all have one. Normally I delete and move on but there was no nonsense about this email. It contained, in humorous fashion, truth after truth. It described in detail, a mock theme for the next Survivor episodes, a reality TV show about survival in a remote area with less than adequate supplies. And only because I can't say it any better, it reads…

The next theme for the Reality series "Survivor" will be a cast of Dads who will stay home and take care of 3 kids each, it will run for 6 weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, tend to the garden and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. They must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Adult interaction must be kept to a minimum. Each will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years.

Now, don't get me wrong. By no means am I saying my job is harder than my husbands. I'm just trying to shed a little light here. But that's the problem isn't it? Each person lists off the exhausting duties that come with our job descriptions, hoping for the slightest sign of sympathy or a pat on the back.

The only way we can stop the madness is by accepting the fact that we chose these circumstances. We are a team. We continue to make these sacrifices so our children can live in an affordable house, in a decent town with great schools and wonderful neighbors. We do it for our children. As tired as we both are at the end of the day we need to suck it up and tell our teammate that their contributions are much appreciated. Because really, it's all either of us is looking for. We both want a pat on the back and a 'job well done, honey'. What we do shouldn't be a competition of who has the shorter end of the stick. I've done both and I will tell you that both sticks are very short. In the end, the value of our sacrifices cannot be measured. Welcome to parenthood.

Inner Voice

I heard, with incredible clarity, my inner voice for the first time in the early weeks of October 2008. I had to go to the bank near my home to deposit a rent check for my mom. After that I planned to walk a few stores down to the grocery store where inside my bank resided as a 'hole in the wall'.

So in I walked to my mom's bank, purse and check in one hand - infant and car seat in the other. My daughter Kaylee and her friend Hannah in tow. At the time, I thought nothing unusual of the young man walking back and forth outside. He did catch my attention though because he was alone and didn't seem to have any apparent agenda. After the deposit and withdraw, I took a large sum of cash from the check and stuck it in my purse.

Oddly, the young man outside followed us as we walked toward the grocery store from my mom's bank, still I was unafraid and thought it to be just coincidence. As we passed by the haircut store that my kids frequent I thought it would be a good time to 'bob' Kaylee's dependably tangled hair, so we did. 15 minutes later Kaylee lost a few inches of hair but gained a shiny red balloon and a lollipop to boot.

Onto the grocery store slash fast food style bank of America. To get to the bank in the back of the store one must conveniently pass the coffee cart and its invigorating aroma. yummm, a blended coffee sounded great, but i restrained myself and decided to deposit the cash first. So I passed up the faux energy boost and stood in a long line at the bank. As I scolded Kaylee and Hannah for playing with the velvet ropes I again noticed the same young man hanging around the ATM machines. This time i caught him staring at me. Now I was curious. It was obvious he was not there to shop, he had no wallet out for the ATM machine. It was odd now.

Still, I stood in line. When the teller called me over I put the cash on the counter next to my wallet and ATM card. She counted the money and put it in her drawer. As she was printing my receipt this man scooted his way passed everyone in the long line to grab a mint from the candy dish next to me. Now his gang paraphernalia was apparent. He then walked back to the ATM machines about 5 feet away and waited. As I grabbed my receipt and picked up the car seat from the ground Hannah said with urgency that she had to pee. So I sent her in the ladies room and waited outside the bathroom door. I was in direct view of the coffee counter. I'm gonna get one I thought. Hannah came out and we walked toward the exit/coffee counter. And so did the young man, he walked out the door and waited by the lined up shopping carts outside. By this time I was still oblivious of his intentions and didn't put the pieces together. I guess I was trying to keep track of the kids and cater to my caffeine addiction. I can't even understand how I remember all the details because it wasn't until I got home to tell my neighbor that I felt targeted.

I ordered a blended Kona and two chocolate milks for the girls. At this point, things were going all too well. No one was crying, fighting or had peed their pants. Wouldn't you know it Kaylee just let go of her balloon. We all watched as it floated to the ceiling of Save-Mart.

"Sorry Kaylee, next time you have to hold it tight," I said as she stood and whimpered over the loss of her new found friend.

We all walked toward the exit sans one shiny red balloon. Just as we made it to the automatic sliding doors a very loud, clear voice from within said, "GET THAT BALLOON." It was such a strong directive that without question, I immediately turned around and herded the kids back into the store. At the moment I didn't think about this young man who just made clear eye contact with the purse over my shoulder and the fact that he ran off into the parking lot once I said lets go back inside.

As I turned back into the store an employee was simultaneously walking out of the bathroom, I asked if she could help me get the balloon. She agreed and yelled out to a bagger for help, he grabbed a chair and in seconds Kaylee had her balloon back.

After that escapade I sat in my car for a moment and reflected on what had just happened. All I could think about was the very loud, clear voice within that ordered me to "GET THAT BALLOON."

Religion

After spending my entire life thus far searching for truth, I have finally come to find the answer to mankind's most primal question. Which is the true religion? Which sect, organization, group, label is the right one? Which one bears truth in all that it is?

If I only knew years ago how easy it is to find the answer. If I only knew the answer was right under my nose the entire time. This is how I explained to me:

They are all true. Each and every one of them. So long as it is the right one for you. How do you know? Well, if you don't reunite with the supreme self then it isn't the true religion for you. Religion is a vehicle to self-realization. If it does not take you there then abandon ship so to speak. All Humans yearn for reconnection. They long for the ultimate reunion. When this is lacking, worldly vices come forth and in some cases consume one's life. Some will substitute this supreme union with worldly passions and bonds. Fillers like relationships with your physical mother and father, or passions in the form of illusionary life purpose like hobbies, career, drugs, sports, music, etc...

The key here is this. Just because a certain religion doesn't do anything for you that's not to say it isn't right for someone else. We get ourselves into a vicious cycle of losing battles when we attempt to put upon faults in others belief systems. To try and tell anyone 'mine is better than yours', in anyway, is to serve yourself injustice. I have been to many a religious gathering's in a variety of places of worship. All of them have done nothing for me spiritually other than show me that their truth was not mine.

Only a few days after I was born, my parents baptized me Catholic. I was raised Catholic for the first 9 years of my life. Then I was a Jehovah's Witness until I was 15 years old. After that, several sects of Christianity including Judaism. Then onto Buddhism, which by the way, brought me closer to Self than any other.

It wasn't until something inside me, apart from any religious affiliation told me to close my eyes and cross my legs. Day after day I would meditate on myself, with myself. It was here in the center of my being that I was able to find Truth.

This is not to say I will not move on to other manifestations of spirituality to achieve a higher state of consciousness. Siddha Yoga opened my door to self realization and for now that is where I will remain.
For some, Catholicism, Atheism, Christianity will bring them to a similar place of connection.

Albeit, some religions are less "fogged" than others. Like Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism. They all provide a pretty clear map to oneness. I suppose those of us blessed enough to know-study-become, earned the privilege in a previous life. I'm not saying they are better than others, just that they provide a faster path towards the self.

Regardless of the difference in opinion these words may cause, at the very least you can look back on your religious experiences and appreciate for a moment that they brought you to where you are now. Good or bad. Who knows, if we don't experience religion and failed attempts that take us nowhere, we may not be in the place we are now. How else could we know with certainty what does and does not work for us.

I am forever grateful to Jehovah's Witnesses, to the long boring weeks of catechism classes, to the stale churches that echoed Amens and Hallelujahs. Had it not been for them I would have not embarked on my own personal journey for Truth.

What can you do to help fix our National Debt?

i know , i know another political post. yada yada...blah blah

but instead of just whining about the problem i've gathered some ideas on how we can come together and try to resolve the problem. just give me a few minutes. i'm not going to tell you who to vote for, i promise. i just want you to be informed on this issue.

so you've heard it before but for most of us (myself included) it doesn't quite sink in because there are just too many zero's to put it in perspective. let me help. there are 300+ million of us peeps here in america. if we were to split up the 9 trillion dollar deficit it would be like giving each person $32,000. sweet right? not really, think of it this way. each person is in debt 32,000 dollars on top of whatever credit card, car payment or mortgage you have already the National Debt has continued to increase an average of 1.93 billion per day. and you thought britney was a power shopper. pretty discouraging huh. lets see what the government is doing about it now.


(you couldn't see it but there is a blank paragraph above this line. it's a blurb of nothing. oh wait, i should have written something about raising taxes to pay for war spending. doh!)

An increasing amount of the money you pay in taxes goes to pay for the interest on this debt (currently about 18%) and not to pay for roads, schools, and healthcare. I could talk about where the money is going but i'll restrain myself. the military. sorry.

Unless changes are made more of your money must be harvested through taxes to pay for it all, either now or in the future.

and now the part you've all been waiting for. drum roll please......

1) Educate Yourself
Learn about the problem, make up your own mind about the gravity of the situation, for it's the only way to spark action and involvement.

2) Lead by Example
Don't follow the example of the federal government and spend more than you earn. If you don't have the money, don't buy it. What do you do with all that money that's not being spent on stuff you can't afford? Save it. It seems simple but for many reasons it is a huge challenge. Start with yourself and your family. for some of us this is a lot to ask. if you need detailed instruction i recommend you listen to "Transforming Debt to Wealth" by John Cummuta.
Don't run to wal-mart every time you need something. ask your family & friends chances are you can use theirs. Thrift stores aren't that scary either, sometimes a little smelly but really, set aside your ego for a bit and buy used. and lastly, remember if it's too good to be true it probably is. for all of us who got sucked into the greedy mortgage loan scam mark it as a lesson learned and next time research what it is you are doing before you do it.
moving on....

3) Vote
Your most powerful tool to make big change is who you select to set the direction of this country and make decisions on your behalf. Just as important is holding them to it. If they aren't doing the job, kick them out. Even if you don't believe in government or don't foresee change in hierarchical leadership sometimes you have to sacrifice for the greater good. Baby steps can get you to the finish line too.

4)Talk about it.
Regardless of your view, discuss the issue. Talk to your parents. Talk to your spouse. Post a blog. Forward this email. Get people to think. The greatest error politicians, leaders, you, and I can commit is idle ignorance.

Know that it is not too big of an issue to solve and there is something you can do about it. Bad ideas and a lack of action got us in, better ideas and action can get us out.



*special thanks to spilling buckets and the hamsters running around in my head for some good information

R.I.P tooth 19

The time has come. I'll have to now sacrifice my tooth. Why you ask?

Well, because Karma says so.

But what could Karma possibly be upset about? Could it be for working long hours wasting my life away when i should have been living? All so i could make lots and lots of money to fluff and prance in shiny things for all to see. They're still looking right?

Let me think, maybe it was because I willingly let my dentist lather mercury and nickel atop my now distorted molar tooth number 19. All thanks to a steady hand and a brand new LARES 330E drill. I mean who cares if mercury leached its cancerous toxins into my blood for the past 5 years. At least it was working and contributing to its economy of blood vessels and veins.

Plus I'm sure allergies really aren't a that big of a deal. You always recover. The itching, burning, swelling and redness - it's all temporary. How much harm could nickel really do. It'll never be bigger than Quarter. bad um bum.

Here's how I see it - approximately 100% off us are allergic to processed junk foods and we still eat them because everyone knows gastrointestinal inflammation can't be that bad for you. Worst case scenario is you've got buttercups to give out all night long. And just like area 51's motto, if you can't see it , well then cooter it don't exist.

To be quite honest my motivation here was the latest fashion trend. Didn't you know, gray gums are the new pink. They're talking about creating a great franchise for a gum staining / travel agency all in one. One stop shop.

Okay where were we. My tooth. So now that the porcelain has broken down (damn the natural products) I had to have the old crown removed, exposing my shiny metal made faux enamel.

I can't even adequately describe the pain I am in right now but for the sake of this blog, I'll try. A constant throbbing, burning, soreness. What's worse is the fact that I'm slowly going insane from the taste of battery in my mouth. Yes battery, like the 9 volt we stuck on our tongues last week, ahem, I mean when we were kids. Matter of fact, if could muster up enough courage I would get up and get pliers from the garage to yank it out myself.

Focus kids. Ah yes, Karma. Why would Karma care if I paid a man 485 of my meaningless dollars to drill it down and dumb it up. Who doesn't want a new and improved anything?

Even after all the discomfort, at least i was polite enough to thank him with a smile. Well, half of a smile. The left side of my face hadn't yet recovered from all 4 injections of local anesthetic. apparently my kidneys are slacking off.

I have to just accept that this is so. There is no arguing with Karma, as you may already know she can be quite the bitch. I'd better cut this short so i can go out and get my swarovski crystal encrusted tooth holder fairy box from the boutique two hours away in metro traffic.

It'll be fine really. After all didn't the tiger have a happy ending when they pulled out his infected tooth. I mean they didn't do a part II, III, or IV explaining each 'life after that' catastrophe. and I've never seen his 'E! True Hollywood Story' . I mean think about it, when you think of a Tiger you don't see them as having an amazing fashion sense and forceful vomitile tendencies right? I'll be fine,really.

there you have it. i scratched a niche in the wall. lesson learned.

Oh crap my IUD...